Navigating The Patterns Of Your Identity
After 10 years of research and client work, I have developed these models to help figure out why we each do what we do so we can build self development strategies that actually work for us.
These are the models I use for a more holistic and comprehensive approach to health, fitness, and self-development.
We assess three distinct aspects: the mental, the physical, and the emotional. This gives us information about who you are in terms of your identity, your expression, and your personality.
Your identity is about your thoughts and memories and goals, your personality is about how you react in different situations, and your expression is about how that comes out in the real world; in your body, how you look, and how you behave.
So here’s how it works:
Each aspect is formed from a base unit that has a horizontal axis and a vertical axis. At the top of the vertical axis, there are fewer, larger entities and at the bottom there are many smaller parts.
As you move up the vertical axis, the lower parts come together to form the larger entities, and as you move down, the higher entities divide into their distinct parts.
Then on the horizontal axis we have two variables: One pushes up into higher complex forms and the other pulls down towards simpler, and more basic forms.
Both sides of the horizontal axis are equally important but they work against each other with each side balancing the other out.
So in short; the vertical axis is our position, higher or lower. And the horizontal axis is our direction, upwards or downwards.
In this article we are looking at Identity.
To assess your identity we look at the position and direction of your thoughts and ideas.
Your identity at the top of the vertical axis breaks down into your mindset in different situations. And your mindset is the result of all your thoughts in a given moment.
Thoughts are stories built from past memories, future expectations, and present intentions. And when your thoughts are out of alignment, your mindset and identity will also be out of alignment.
What I mean by that is you won’t have a clear sense of who you are, what your goals are, or why you keep having certain thoughts.
So the two sides of the horizontal axis bring things into alignment at all these levels, from bottom to top.
On the left - my left - we have a Flow State and in the other side we have a Dream State.
Here, a Dream State is about doing what I call Dream Thinking which is about being open, creative, and allowing yourself to daydream. It's about being curious and receptive to new ideas. But it's also about being confused, scattered, and unfocussed.
A Flow State is about doing what I call Flow Thinking which is about being focussed, productive, and getting to work. It's about the application of knowledge and being certain about what comes next. But it's also about being closed-minded, short sighted, and stubborn.
We use these two types of thinking to either form ideas and put that knowledge into action or to discover new ideas when we don't already know what to do.
Flow thinking is how a particular identity can move down and dissipate into our individual thoughts.
This happens when a soldier and a civilian encounter the same situation but perceive it completely differently. Because the soldier has that identity, they might find themselves looking for threats and exits while the civilian is just thinking about their lunch. Even in a safe situation the soldier’s identity changes what they focus on and what they ignore. You can even get the civilian to do change their focus completely by simply telling them to act like a soldier.
Dream thinking is how our individual thoughts can move up and aggregate into a particular identity.
This happens when a person regularly receives praise and encouragement. At first, these exist unconnected memories but over time they come together and form into a coherent self-image. Eventually, instead of just thinking “I did this thing well,” they start to think “I am someone who does things well.” The more these thoughts overlap and join, the more they reinforce the identity, forming who they believe themselves to be. You can even get someone to change their whole self image with just one encouraging thought.
So how do we navigate the patterns of your identity?
Sometimes, you have a clear sense of identity. There’s a defined story arc. You know where you came from, you know where you’re going, and you know exactly what to do.
Other times, your mind is a mess. Half-finished snippets that don’t fit together. You have no idea who you’re supposed to be and every time you think you’ve got it, you find expectations just aren’t lining up with reality.
When this happens we first need to figure out where exactly our thinking is misaligned.
We do this by asking questions and watching what happens when we try to answer them. To do this effectively we need to be curious, patient, and - most importantly - honest.
Sometimes our answers surprise us and that can lead us to avoid answering questions honestly. But an unashamed approach to our self development is important. Exposing ourselves to difficult work and hard truths is the first step to a better life.
So start with the first thing that comes to mind.
What is a significant event from your life? You will have thought of something. Don't let yourself change you mind. Stay on the first thing. What is this thing that happened to you in the past that was significant? The first thing that comes to mind might not even be something you believe is important. But it's the first thing you thought of. So bring it to mind a bit more vividly. What happened? Play it over in your head a couple of times start to finish. And answer the following questions honestly.
What was negative about this event?
What was positive about this event?
What happened later as a result of this event?
What could you have done differently?
What did this event change or confirm about how you see the world?
What did this event change or confirm about how you see yourself?
What we are doing here is called Reflective Practice.
We take a real life experience, look back over it with some distance, form some ideas about what the event means to us, and then take those lessons into the real world and apply them to future experiences.
Sometimes we find our thoughts don’t connect. When we are all over the place mentally, reflective practice helps us to see where we are struggling to grasp at fragmented thought patterns.
Sometimes we find our thoughts looping around the same doubts and unhelpful self-talk. When we are mentally trapped, reflective practice helps us to see where we have become stuck in rigid thought patterns.
If you are trying to do something in the real world you will likely find there are important conflicts to resolve in the thoughts you keep coming back to.
You can notice and capture these thoughts by engaging in reflective practice through techniques like writing, meditation, and regular dialogue with an impartial conversation partner.
By shifting in a deliberate way from practice and application to reflection and abstraction, we avoid doing too much of one type of thinking.
Too much Dream Thinking results in rumination, avoidance, impulsivity, and difficulty making commitments. You become lost in possibilities, never landing on anything concrete, and this can make you unsure of who you are meant to be.
Too much Flow Thinking results in micromanagement, obsessiveness, perfectionism, and often leads to burnout. You become locked into a strict set of expectations, never allowing yourself to consider any other options, and you hold onto a fixed idea of who you are meant to be.
Here are three things you can do if you find yourself lost in Dream Thinking:
Give yourself a simple specific goal to complete every day. It might be to make your bed or drink a protein shake. When you complete it, write it down somewhere and tally off how many days you have done it.
Make a commitment to meet with someone on a regular basis. Weekly or monthly. It’s important that it’s a person who can hold you accountable and ask you You could meet for a workout or just for a coffee.
Create a Pros and Cons list. Frameworks for making business decisions also work for your personal life. You can make your thoughts less messy by first identifying your strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats. Write it down so you can keep track of things.
Here are three things you can do if you find yourself locked in Flow Thinking:
Let yourself take a break to do something no lasting outcome. Make a nice meal and eat it. Go for a walk in the park. Listen to your favourite music and sing along. Something that is over as soon as it ends.
Write your ideas down and read them back with a critical eye. Ask yourself, “Is this right?” Give yourself distance from your own beliefs so you can judge them as if they belonged to someone else.
Simply try another way of doing things that is outside your normal. Ask “How do other people manage to do this?” and try it their way. Swap your routines around, experiment with how you approach problems, and don’t turn away a solution before you’ve tried it.
At face value, these are all deceptively simple things to do but that’s because it’s not about the task exactly. It’s about the type of thinking required for the task.
The goal is to make sure you’re not stuck at one end of the horizontal axis. This gives you the ability to navigate the patterns of your identity on your own terms.
You don’t need to wait for someone else to tell you who you’re meant to be.
When you’re thinking clearly, when you can solve problems and learn quickly, when you have a strong sense of who you are through that process, you don’t go through life as a victim of circumstance.
You don’t just have things happen to you.
You make things happen.
I’m Ben Fleming, and if you’re a forward thinker of any kind, I want to partner with you and use my expertise in health and fitness to help you become the person you want to be so you can build the future you want to see.
You and I can build a better world for everyone forever together.
Let me know what you’re working on!
Comment below or send me a message.
My handle is @GymnasiOnUK on Youtube, Twitter, Substack, and Instagram.
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See ya!
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